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10 Signs You Should Quit Siri

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iphone 4s sirir

Image by: Gerard McGovern

If you have an iPhone 4S, you’ll know how compelling Siri is.

She’s the new best friend that knows virtually everything, and if she doesn’t, she’ll search the web for you with no fuss. she’s polite, funny, and, most of the time, doesn’t chat back.

Heck, the only thing wrong with her is that she has a slight issue with accents (not that I’m saying she’s racist of anything).

But how do you know if your addiction to Siri has gone too far? How do you know that when your iPhone inevitably reaches the end of its contract/warranty and immediately dies, you’re not going to be left a helpless wreck, emotionally distraught and unable to remember how to use a Google search box?

Here are 10 signs you should quit Siri, for the safety of your sanity.

1. Your brain is being replaced by Wolfram|Alpha

It just seems so much easier to get her to answer questions, rather than having to, y’know, think about it. If you’d rather Wolfram|Alpha who the deputy Prime Minister is, rather than wracking your brains for two seconds, it’s time to stop.

2. You’ve forgotten how to text

Let’s face it, it takes 6 minutes to dictate a text rather than 60 seconds to type it; plus, you run a far higher risk of sending sexts to family members. It just ain’t worth it.

3. Your primary form of entertainment is trying to uncover Siri’s hidden knowledge

If you’ve spent over half an hour of your life trying to uncover all of Siri’s funny responses, stop. There’s only so many ways a computerised device can answer “What’s the meaning of life?” or “Tell me a joke”.

4. You ask Siri what the weather is doing, when you’re stood next to a window

Two words: Look. Outside.

5. You’d rather compose a note than use a post-it

Just write whatever you need to remember down. It’s quicker, and you won’t end up with loo roll on your “Aunt Shona’s Birthday” list instead of the “Shopping” list.

6. You NEED the local search option to work in the UK

Despite knowing your town like the back of your hand, you’ll actually wet yourself when Apple finally brings out the local search option to UK residents. Just use GoogleMaps like the rest of us, dammit.

7. You’ve changed your name to Baby/Sexy/Big Boy

When Siri calls you “Sexy” more than your partner, you know you’ve got a problem.

8. You still use Siri to set your alarm, despite oversleeping five days in a row

Yes, it’s pretty cool that when you’re half asleep and remember you’ve not set your alarm, to be able to grab your phone and say to it “Wake me up at 7”. But that’s only when it actually works.

9. You’ve turned on voice over’s just to hear Siri’s voice

Sometimes life gets a little lonely, but go and talk to people, man.

10. You rarely talk to anyone but Siri

You used to have friends. Now you have Siri. Yes, Siri is probably more knowledgeable than your mates, and probably won’t try and hit on your brother as often. But remember the prime function of a phone is to help you keep in contact with other living, breathing human beings. Don’t forget that your Siri is simply one of thousands of VoiceXML tools that came out of a box – repeat after me: Siri has no personality.

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